I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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