Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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