I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
