Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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