Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
