Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
