what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
