I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
