you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
