A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
