too bad you live with your parents still
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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