I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
