On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
