I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
