dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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