It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
