needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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