You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
