GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
