I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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