He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize