Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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