Swine flu is the new snow day.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
