oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When are your genitals available?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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