So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize