Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize