Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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