he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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