Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize