you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
