i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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