i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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