i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
