Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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