if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
