My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
