Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
