I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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