shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
