I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize