Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
