I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
