Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
