Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
