Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
