just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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