He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
