I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
