If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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