Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
