summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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