Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
