she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
