Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
