The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
