You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
