I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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