Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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