This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
