my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I supernannyed him into submission
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
