you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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