If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
