He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
