just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
