Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
