Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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