Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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